queen of faff

Former secret writer. This is my rehab.

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Daughters and sons

I have never read anything as powerful, harrowing or heartbreaking as the victim impact statement from the Stanford University rape victim.

I have never been so hopeful for huMANkind as reading Joe Biden’s open letter to her.

Angry and saddened again to read about the conversation taking place in an office this week – and I imagine it isn’t the only one. Yet again the insinuation that she (the victim) had any responsibility for what happened to her.

My heart breaks for the women who have been violated, some I know personally and most I will never meet. Women who have been betrayed, abused, hurt, damaged by strangers, by people known to them, and perhaps worse -by people they loved and trusted. Knowing one personally would be one too many. I don’t have enough digits on two hands to count them.

I will teach both of my children that their bodies belong to them, and them alone. I won’t make them hug or kiss anyone they don’t want to, no matter how long they have known them or how related to them they are. I will let them decide what contact makes them feel comfortable and what doesn’t. I will listen when they say ‘stop’ even if I am only tickling them- they get to choose what happens to their bodies and call the shots at the point they have had enough – even if two minutes earlier it was fun and they were laughing.

But I loathe and detest that I will have to teach my daughter how to protect herself as she grows up. That other people will make judgements on the choices she makes about how much she drinks, the clothes she wears, or the route she takes home, though they are never any excuse for anyone to harm her. I loathe and detest that her brother would never face the same condemnation for his choices.

And so, I will teach my son that no always means no.

That yes can become no.

That unconsciousness is a fucking no go.

That drunkenness is not an invitation.

That any type of clothing, or lack thereof, is not an invitation.

That nothing gives him the right to take something that isn’t willingly and consciously gifted to him.