A few weeks ago, while playing with my three year old, she told me I couldn’t be the fairy godmother to her Cinderella. “Why not?”, I enquired. “Because she’s fat”, came the reply.
Of course, the postpartum part of me, having given birth to her baby brother a few months earlier, was chuffed to bits with this declaration. The warrior mama part of me however, was not.
My daughter’s only visual Cinderella frame of reference is the 1950’s Disney film, and whilst the godmother is more rotund than Cinderella herself, I was and remain baffled as to why my/her physical appearance was the barrier to the part, rather than say, my lack of wand or ability to turn pumpkins into carriages – I have never needed plaits or royal lineage to be the Anna to her Elsa after all.
Fast forward to two nights ago and I was reading her a book, Florence was no ordinary Fairy. Borrowed from the library, I was reading it for the first time, out loud, to my three year old. The basic premise being that Florence doesn’t like fairy things, won’t sit atop a Christmas tree or grant wishes etc, but does adore fairy cakes, eats too many of them and gets too fat for her fairy wings to carry her. Cue scolding from Queen fairy for eating too much and getting heavy.
What are we doing to our children that they can be fed such shite about fatness and fitness at such a young age? A recent BBC report showed that 34% of 10-15 year old girls are unhappy with their appearance. I know I can’t protect her from societal pressure and that how she feels about how she looks when she’s a teenager could be hugely problematic but does it really have to start now?
I don’t talk about how I look in front of her. Sure, she sees me doing my hair and makeup, but even on days I’m lamenting the skinny jeans I can’t get back into yet, I don’t comment on it within earshot of my children. I don’t flinch when she pokes my soft belly, still recovering from growing her brother. I do my best to promote strong and healthy as body aspirations, rather than thin and pretty.
And yet she knows fat. She sees fat. Goddamm this superficial world that is harming my daughter already.